I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
