sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize