next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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