I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
