How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
