At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
