i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
