think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
