Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
