She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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