Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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