Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
