Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get the cat blown out
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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