We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
