the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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