they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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