I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
