lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
