How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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