Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
