my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
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i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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