either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
