I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
His nipple licking is glorious
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