oh god the rape fog is back!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
