He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
