Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
