I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
not ubering you a puppy
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
