would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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