why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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