She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
