I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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