I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
