i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
