Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
