Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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