Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
