i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
