I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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