I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
