i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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