I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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