pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
