my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
