His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
