For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
