I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
