We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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