I faked an abortion last night.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
