saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
