i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
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just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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