Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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