the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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