I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
