dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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