Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
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I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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