i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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