enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
