Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
