Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
