I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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