she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
