Umm I'm too high to move.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
