I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize