i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
