She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
