This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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