There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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