Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
