My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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