You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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