He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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