you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My dick has a subreddit
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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