I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
