why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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