He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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