so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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