yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
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