Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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