You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
